In all honesty, at the moment, I am not having that much fun cycle touring and have not been probably since leaving Lilloet at the start of June. One of the issues is the boredom of the repetitive and uninspiring scenery. There are of course exceptions such as the glaciers down to Stewart or the lakes along the highway and every so often glimpses of rolling, forest covered hills for as far as the eye can see. But also there is the hundreds and hundreds of miles of highway with a 50 foot verge then a wall of trees. Writing this it almost sounds good. Miles of tree lined roads does, kinda, sound rather pleasant but cycling for weeks, with almost exactly the same view is tough, really tough. The trees are not huge, ancient and thought provoking specimens from the birth of Jesus Christ. They are dwarfed by permafrost and are carbon copies of each other all in a row.
The same can be said for the human interactions. They too seem to be frost bitten. As with everything there have been fantastic shows of kindness, such as having a place to stay to get over my illness in Smithers, riding with the Justin and Melissa up the Stewart-Cassiar highway, getting a place to stay while trapped in Fort Nelson and the lift with Erin. But these serve to highlight the poor interactions we have had with other folk rather than mitigate it. People just don’t seem to care that we have cycled 5,000 to get to where we are having the conversation. The hospitality we received from the Americans and friends and family in Vancouver has been sorely missed as we got further and further into the wilderness and into environments I had expected kindness to be at it’s highest. It’s not that people are rude just not really interested and walking into a shop, restaurant or campground we now have the expectation that we are going to get ripped off in some way. It’s a bad feeling and one I’m hoping will vanish now we are further south.
Thirdly, and totally manufactured by me, is feeling trapped. For many years I have been fighting the notion of getting “trapped” in a life. I didn’t want to own a house because I would be “trapped” in a mortgage and then be “trapped” in a job. I bring this up because actually, at the moment, I feel that I have “trapped” myself on this cycle tour. By having the blog and calling it Detour to Moose Jaw I have to carry on cycling to Moose Jaw and I actually have to carry on for another 20 months since it’s the “2 year cycling adventure…” even though, at the moment, that thought isn’t something that fills me full of happiness and excitement.
Sophie and I have been trying to figure it out, because this is a problem and it comes down to a few issues. One, I am a task orientated person. I like to work hard on a task, figure it out, finish it off in a nice little bow and move onto the next task and pick up some praise along the way. This is hard to do on a bike. Next, I like to learn new things and then do research to add to what I have learned then put all that into practise and get excited by that new thing. Again, difficult to do while touring and sleeping in a tent or in a stranger’s house. Then there is the fact that cycle touring stresses me out. I struggle with the not knowing. The not knowing where we are going to sleep. Not knowing the best place to buy groceries. The not knowing the best thing to see or do around this next corner because we’ll only get one shot at it and then we’ll have to be on our way to Moose Jaw then Toronto then who knows where. All of these things make the day to day in the saddle a bit of a grind, at the moment. Which, makes me feel really sad because we worked so hard for such a long time for this and it’s just not floating my boat. But again this is, for some people, and was once for me, an adventure of a lifetime and it grates on me that I’m getting bored. Surely you shouldn’t be bored on a trip like that?
Now, I don’t think that it is terminal, but it is worrying, so we are going to mix things up a bit. We are going to have a bit of a holiday in Jasper and Banff before getting to Moose Jaw. Once there we are going to re-address the situation to see what we both want to do. We have options, in fact we have so many different options, we could do pretty much anything we want. And I need to remember that having blues while on a trip like this is relatively normal and, as Sophie points out fairly frequently, that if I had done some reading beforehand I would know that it isn’t all plain sailing and endless wonderment but at times it is tough, it is boring and it will test you; but that’s part of the adventure right?
15 July 2015 @ 5:43 pm
You are both stronger than you realise.Chill out a bit and reassess. It is the adventure of a lifetime but remember it's your adventure, no one else. Do what's right for you both. It will all pan out 🙂
15 July 2015 @ 6:36 pm
Hey up lad, chin up….! Mr P
15 July 2015 @ 6:40 pm
LIZZIE!!! Thanks so much for the kind words. I think after a chill out and prioritize we'll figure out the best thing to do. Thanks again Lizzie
15 July 2015 @ 6:40 pm
Cheers Mr P, I'll try
15 July 2015 @ 8:15 pm
Perhaps you are also trapped in your idea of what sort of person you are? You can change! Embrace the not knowing: you're not there to know it, you're there to learn how it feels to not know. How you are feeling is indeed a normal part of a long trip. You can reassess your goals, your expectations, your plans. It's all yours! Enjoy the break anyway and don't give yourself a hard time. Caroline
16 July 2015 @ 4:10 am
Hi Caroline, thanks for your input. I am struggling with the not knowing but yes I probably need to ease up on that because the effort I am putting into trying to know can be better spent elsewhere. As I said we're going to reassess in Moose Jaw and go from there. This could, after all, be a temporary blip and actually we do make it all the way across to Toronto. Thanks again
16 July 2015 @ 6:38 am
Third attempt! Grr.
Really good read Tommie – thanks. Really interesting to read honesty instead of the usual 'everything's awesome' you read on Facebook.
Sorry you're finding it tough. Although, I think it's right that it's part of the trip. I think that's why you're doing it – even if you didn't explicitly think it – and why you're not on a 2-week beach holiday in the Algarve. I'm sure you'll figure it out and do whatever you need to do to bring it round.
I say ditch the closed gearing system. It's been messing with your mind. I knew it was trouble!
16 July 2015 @ 10:01 pm
Thanks for the comment. It's actually quite nerve wracking writing something truth and honest and posting it on the world wide web for everybody to read. You never know the response you'll receive.
I always try to test my boundaries and check my limits physically but this is probably the hardest I tried at doing it mentally and it's tough, tough in ways I never thought it could be. I'm sure Sophie and I will figure this out and get sorted but I don't think the issue is the Rohloff hubs, I think they are keeping us sane.
22 July 2015 @ 2:21 pm
Great, honest blog, I feel like that very often. It's often easy to run away from it, I know I have on many occasions. Learning to embrace it and work through it is part of any major adventure, the soul searching is huge. Good on you both for taking a time out, and if you decide to change the trip, then what the hell, it's your adventure to enjoy! You are both surpassing anything I will probably attempt in terms of life voyages, I'm really proud to have you as friends, as the French would say "courage mes amis" big hugs!
22 July 2015 @ 7:29 pm
Thanks so much Bran. I knew the mental challenges were going to be tough but I have been a bit blind sided by how I was and still feeling. It's been really nice getting feedback from folks because it seems to be a perfectly normal sensation, I honestly thought that going out and travelling would be one wondrous day to the next and hard times would be a thing of the past. I'm getting my head around that now and we are getting back on track now and have met loads of fantastic people and seen amazing sights that has helped to improve moral. Really miss you guys, hope you are Victorine are having a fantastic time.
21 November 2015 @ 12:55 pm
By going on this trip you've really stretched yourself! Many of us wouldn't even attempt such a trip as we'd be scared of not being able to cope (e.g. with such uncertainty). You've dived into it in a really brave way and struggled with it for what sounds like 5 months. I'd say that was heroic, not failure! xx